Fathers day

I originally posted this on my LJ a while ago, but it's still true and still stands for today.

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Today is fathers day.

I don't have my father any more but because I can, I would like to pay tribute to my father here. I know not many will read it, but that doesn't matter. Hopefully he will see.

My Dad was the most gentle man you could have met. He worked hard all his life, having been brought up by relatives after his mother died in childbirth. He went to war and was posted in many places including India and Hong Kong, working as an engineer on fighters and bombers. When he left the RAF he was offered a job in Hong Kong with a new airline called Cathay Pacific, but turned it down because he just wanted to come home to my Mum.

He was never an overly ambitious man, but worked hard for his family and never let them down. He loved driving and became a bus driver, which he did until he couldn't do it anymore due to illness. Well, apart from the time we moved from one end of the country to the other because he got an engineering job with a aerospace company. He hated it so much that not much later he was back, driving the buses he loved. Mum was not happy for a while ;)

When he became ill, he was brave and fought so hard that his doctor said he got 5 extra years through sheer will. I've inherited his short arms and legs, his freckles and his hair. His children all adored him and we all still miss him so much.

Happy Fathers day, Dad.

DW+A2A=blog

I'm not posting very regularly - I'm just not feeling much at the mo. Work is very busy and it seems I'm back in the cycle of work then home then flopping into bed. The flat looks like a bomb has hit it and I'm totally ashamed of it, but can't get the energy to get up and do something about it. I am, in what has now become tradition, am blaming my hormones, because they are really evil and hate me.

Anyways on to DW -

I still am not hating this year, but still, I'm afraid, not loving it. It's as I've said, not because it's bad, it's not. But I'm just not feeling it really. I'm watching it each week and am engaged with it, but I don't feel a connection with it. I don't like this because some good friends are loving it and I feel quite bad that I can't join in with the love. Anyways, on to this weeks... There were so many takes from other things in this for me - Tremors, some X Files to mention a couple - but I've said elsewhere on LJ and Twitter, I felt there was a strange lack of emotion from the characters. Amy is gone - the Doctor has a bit of a wobble, but picks up (which, ok, it's the Doctor, he's different) Rory is taken aback but doesn't really give vent to it, no blaming the Doctor and no real showing he's upset. Ambrose has lost her son - again, some initial emotion. But blimey, if my son had gone missing like that I would be a little bit more upset and also I'm SURE I would have given the Doctor a huge mouthful at least if not a big old slap. Perhaps it's me, perhaps I want too much. It just seems to be that everyone is a bit cut off emotionally. Maybe that is part of the plan, perhaps it will mean something next week. Who knows?

Still not 'feeling' MS's Doctor. I prefer him when he is being quiet and somber - I think half the problem for me is he is just not different enough from Ten. Anyways, I liked a couple of touches from him this week, but it's still all a bit 'hmm' for me.

Apart from that, some funny lines and a decent watch. Perhaps I'm just feeling too cut off from DW this year. My sister, who has seen just about every ep since DW started way back when perhaps said it best - 'I just don't feel like I care about any of them that much.' Which is sad.

Caring what goes on was certainly not a problem for me with Ashes to Ashes this year, however. I have adored it and it has cheered me. Gene Hunt is certainly not my type - brash, hard drinking, tough, rude, rough... and yet I learned to adore him. The whole series kept you looking for clues, trying to piece together, along with Alex, what the heck was going on. I'd just about worked it out by the last ep, but oh... it still gave you an emotion punch without going over the top. I cared about every character that the Guv had with him in his squad room, Brave Shaz, broken Ray, sweet Chris. Alex so wanting to get home but still help them all and Gene, gone before his time, a skinny kid who did not deserve his shallow grave, trying to hold them and guide them and not remembering what had happened until he saw it. I even cared about Jim Keats - He made me shout in a non too ladylike fashion at the television a barrage of swearwords everytime he appeared. My poor neighbours really must have wondered who I was shouting at. Daniel Mays who played him was fabulous - He played a blinder, moving in the series from seemingly nice and fair to pure mad spitting evil. I see he's going to be, it seems, in a new BBC sci-fi coming at the end of the year, so I will be keeping my eye out for him.

In the end, A2A gave us an ending, sad yet happy and went out at the top of it's game, which is a brave thing to do. If only a couple of other shows I could mention *coughxfilescough* would have done the same. Thanks Gene (and Bolly and Sam and all the others ) you were wonderful. The Merc won't be the same as the Quattro, but Gene will still be wearing his boots, drinking and guiding people in his sqaud room. Maybe one day he'll get to go to the pub too.

What's all this?

I posted my previous post this morning. It's showing a date of a week ago.

I have been worried about that crack in the wall for a while...

A post weeks in the making...

And it's still going to be crap, I'm afraid.

I've been trying to write a blog about Doctor Who since it came back this year, but I've just not been able to find the words. Not because it's bad, because it's not. It's been good from what I've seen and I'm not hating it. But there are some things I'm not getting and it worries me.

Top of the list is, I'm sorry to say, Matt Smith. He's not bad, really he is not. I don't dislike him and he's had some great lines (I did like him crying 'Wrong!' at the exhibits in the museum) but he is just not feeling like The Doctor to me. He's doing his job he really is, I'm thinking it's just me. He's rather like Ecclescake - I feel like I'm watching an actor doing his job. A good actor, but an actor all the same. With Tennant, I have to say that I would never have been surprised if it had come to light that yes, OK, he was actually a Timelord and had access to a TARDIS and a sonic screwdriver. It's stupid, but he just WAS the Doctor to me. I know expressing this marks me out to have 'screaming fangurl!' thrown at me, but I can't help it. Sure, he was a rather pretty choice as well, but that wasn't what it was about. I'd never seen him in anything else (well, unless you count the Boots xmas ad, and yes, I did fancy the bloke in that - didn't connect it was him until WAY afterwards!) but he appeared on the screen and that was it. He was the Doctor and I never doubted it.

I feel bad saying it because some friends think he's great and I keep thinking 'Is it really me? Have I really got too old and set in my ways? Have I really been blinded by the easy on the eye-ness that was Tennant? ' But it's not that, I'm sure. It's still a wait and see thing, I guess.

Either way, I'm enjoying DW. I'm just unsure about The Doctor at the moment. Oh, and a bit unsure about Moff and his direction. This 'crack' seems to be a good device to wipe out the whole of Rusty's time. And although that would not be a complete bad thing in some respects (Yes Rose, I'm looking at you) If he wipes Ten, Martha, Donna and Wilf out of the timeline I will not be happy bunny.

The Matt Smith manifesto

Yes, I've not commented on any of the 11th Doctor hoo-ha so far because it seems there are only two camps at the moment - the 'I hate the new Doctor, yaahh booo sucks to him' camp and the 'Matt Smith is phwoar, which means he will be a fab Doctor, yaahh booo sucks to you all' camp.

I subscribe to neither of these fine groups.

I do have to say Matt is not really my cup of tea looks-wise and also is very young looking, so being a woman of a certain age I just can't say he does one jot for me. It means the MS is phwoar thing doesn't work for me - I'm sure he will be devastated to hear that, but what can I say? I'm sure he'll get over it...

And yes, I'll admit it. I AM GOING TO MISS TEN. There, I've said it. It doesn't mean I'm obsessed or mad or wrong. The Doctor has always been Tom Baker to me until he came along. Yes, Mr Tennant is a damn pretty boy and certainly my type, but above all of that, he was perfect as the Doctor. He was everything the Doctor should be as far as I'm concerned and he and Tom will forever be the Doc to me now. Soon as I saw him, heard him, he was the Doctor. I've not had that reaction to Matt. Like Ecclescake - I enjoyed watching the programme - he doesn't feel like a proper Doctor to me. Didn't hate Ecclescake, stories were great, he's a wonderful actor and I even sniffled at his end montage on DWC, but he never felt like the Doc to me. With DT, the regeneration scene was the start, the CiN special confirmed my first thoughts and when Mr Tennant threw the TARDIS doors open and swashed his buckle at Christmas, it was all over - he was it. I know I've said this before but I even turned to the friends who I was with and said 'Now HE'S The Doctor.'

I am apprehensive of the new series. I have purposely not watched MS in anything since he was announced and I hadn't seen him in anything before that. I wanted to go in 'fresh' so to speak, so I would have no pre-conceived ideas. I have loved the Grand Moff's eps previously, but some of his and his colleagues interviews recently do have me slightly rubbing my chin - a 'fairy tale'? 'Twilight'? Hmmm... I do feel they are pitching it to the younger audience. Although why I or others are surprised by that is odd as, let's face it, DW was meant to be aimed at the younger audience. But I can't help it - it makes me feel uneasy. I'm sure Moff will steer the ship in a fine manner. I'm sure all will be fine, Matt will be fine, Amy's short skirts will be fine and the series will be fine. But I'm not sure it will be fine for me. I know, I know... I'm old and I don't like change, what can I say?

I am of course going to watch the Doctor. He's the Doctor and I will watch. But I will not blindly say I love it if I don't. I am not going to preach MS love if I don't like him. If he's fantastic, I will gladly say so and be very happy about it. He's going to have to go some, mind, because for me he has some pretty big size 13 boots to fill.

But until I see the new episode I won't know. And I don't want to think about it or know anything much about it until then, so I can make my own decisions. I guess we'll just have to wait until Easter to see won't we? Not long now.

It's silly...

And really quite pathetic, I suppose.

I bought an ipod touch with my bonus. And very lovely it is, all touchy screen and apps (Piano and bubblewrap. Fun!) and put your videos on here. Bad thing is also all of the above, really. Especially the videos. I already had an little mp4 player, but the screen was tiny, as was the capacity. I can now watch Blackpool and TEoT pts 1 and 2 during my lunchtime. Which is the bad thing because today, I sat in the loos and cried as I watched the Ood sang the Doctor to his rest (I sniffle just thinking about that) It's been nearly a bloody month and I'm still weeping big weepy tears when it happens, like it's going to change for goodness sakes. I then watch Blackpool, thinking it will cheer me, but he starts singing 'Should I stay' with the big soulful brown eyes... He then goes on to say (for me) the killer line 'Can I hold your hand?' and again I'm off, this time cursing the fact that I cannot have a tall skinny scotsman like that who will take me onto a very cold and wet looking seaside pier, ask to hold my hand and then proceed to snog the face off me. Bastard.

I blame my hormones. I hate them. They make me want things I can't have.

I also blame the next bit of fic on hormones, because... well, there is no other excuse and saying 'it's my hormones' is always convenient. And with me, normally true.

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Message


He had told her.

The phone had beeped a message and she'd just about jumped out of her skin when she'd read who it was from. He never usually contacted her. Certainly never contacted her with a video attached. Perhaps, she’d thought, he'd found something that for some strange reason he'd wanted her opinion on. She opened the message and was surprised when she saw him flicker onto the screen.

Then he'd told why he'd contacted her.

He'd said 'I owe you. I owe you so much, so much I can't begin to think about it... So much more than can be said and so... So. So, one day, Martha Jones, you'll see me. It'll be when you're not expecting me, but you'll see me. It might be at a distance, it might be just when you need me, but you won't have called for me, you won't be expecting me. Oh no.'

He'd smiled at her and if you hadn't had known, it would have looked like his normal dazzling smile. But she knew him. And it wasn't half as dazzling as it looked.

'Look out for me Martha Jones. Watch out for me. Because it will be the last time you'll see this face. One last time, look for this ...' He'd stopped and she'd automatically reached out her hand towards him, fingers grasping at air, trying to offer comfort to the image in front of her. He'd cleared his throat and tried to smile again, but it had rippled and pulled at his mouth and it hadn't quite happened. 'One last time. I'll look for you... At you. For one last time.'

He'd then stared out at her from the phone, large, wide eyes staring into her, almost like he could see her. She'd looked back at his face then jumped when, after what seemed an age, he'd said 'Don't forget me, Martha Jones. Please.'

And the screen had gone black.


Now - Martha gazed up at the Doctor, standing, looking down on her and Mickey. And she knew he was looking at her, he was looking at her for the last time. She held his gaze as long as she could, but then Mickey called out to him and he turned and slowly walked along the gantry out of her sight. She then lent against Mickey as they heard the TARDIS wheeze and flicker away and he held her tight, kissing her forehead, shh'ing and making comforting noises to her. Martha turned away from where the Doctor had been standing and buried her face in Mickey's chest. She knew she'd never see that face again.

'Bye,' she whispered. 'Won't forget, Doctor. Ever.'

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Don't you love my blog updates? I know I do. Not.

'I don't want to go'

Oh, don't start me again...

So. 2010 came and Ten went, making both the ten year old DW fan inside me and the woman who thinks 'oh yes please' whenever she sees his brown-suited frame come into view stamp their feet and cry bitter tears in horror and sadness.

When did I so involved in a TV programme? Possibly from when I was a baby. My dear sister brought me up on DW and Star Trek. I never stood a chance, I was going to be a geek. I drifted somewhat from the good Doctor in my teenage years, but still had an eye on who was Who, so to speak. (with apologies to Mr Tennant. He's not called Who, I know that...) So, when it was announced DW was returning, the older me thought 'Oooh, nice. Let see what they do'

Watched Mr Ecclescake and although I really did enjoy it, I decided he wasn't The Doctor to me. Something just didn't gel. Like I said, it was a great series and I did like it, but... I couldn't get on with the characters. Rose left me cold and non-plussed whenever I saw her and The Doctor was just some bloke in a leather jacket. Not bad, great stories but just... meh. Then saw the short CiN special with the new bloke and thought 'now he looks more like it' Tom Baker was always the Doctor to me, and this new chap seemed to be in the same mould. Slightly mad, unpredicable and a bit wild. I watched his first episode on Christmas day that year and that was it. The Doctor was back for me. I actually said to someone I was watching it with 'Now THAT'S the Doctor'.

Mr Tennant did not let me down. He became the Doctor and I adored him all over again. My Saturday nights became those of my childhood, sat with dinner on a tray in front of the telly, knowing the Doctor would always do the right thing. I saw children loving the progamme again and that made me so very happy - every child should have a Doctor to look up to - and again, Mr Tennant did not disappoint. Children adored him, and he held his side up by being good natured, charming and hardworking. He took time with them, as I witnessed at Hamlet and also from stories from people whose children have met him. I went to the DW proms and saw the look of wonder on the childrens faces when they saw him on the screen. He was The Doctor to them and it was magical.

But as we know, all good things and all that. It's the nature of the show, the lead actor goes and you get a new Doctor, all sparkly and new clothes and different outlook. I took these badly as a child and now I'm an alledged grown up, I thought all would be different. Mr Tennant is so much more than this show, he's such a very clever and gifted actor, that you couldn't expect him to stay beyond his time. And I was glad he went at the height of his powers, and somewhat glad that he would be getting away from some of Rusty's scripts (but that is another story ;) ) But.

But.

When it came time, I wasn't ready.

He was the perfect Ten. He worked his socks off for the show, he never hesitated to promote and push for what was right for it. All the love and care he had for the show was all there up on the screen for all to see. You could tell he adored the show, he loved his job and took the responsibilites that came with it very seriously. You could not have wanted anyone better and when it came to his final hurrah, despite the rather overlong and strange script *shakes head at Rusty* he put his all in there. The scenes with Sir Bernard Cribbins (I know, but he bloody should be) were beautiful and heartbreaking and tragic. What wonderful work from both of them. I wept at those scenes, huge unexpected tears.... And then it was just the Doctor, in his TARDIS, looking around and so wanting to go on and stay being this wonderful, dazzling man who just loved to run and run and just BE. It was all there on his face and the final words ' I don't want to go' said it all. We didn't want you to go, either.

This has turned into some rambling vodka induced post, but I can promise you, I've not had a drop. There is so much you could say, but it's hard to say it without sinking into 'Oh, when he said this' or 'Oh, did you see when he did that?' Lets see if I can.

David Tennant - Thank you for your hard work, enthusiasum and sheer talent. You made DW in the last few years and you certainly kept your watch well. You are going to be a part of so many childrens fond memories of childhood. You will be their Doctor. You should be so very proud of yourself.

And shhh... promise not to say anything to Tom Baker when you see him, but you've become MY Doctor as well. And I'll miss you.